So scared right now

I started bleeding about an hour ago.  It's not terribly heavy but I'm cramping, kinda like period cramps.  It started off as bright red going towards a pinkish/brownish color. Some small particles but no big clots.  I'm really scared right now.  I can't lose this baby.  This baby means so much to me right now.  I just can't lose it.  I've only known for a week.  This is so cruel.  I'm praying this is just like it was with Tiana, but I was already 8 weeks along when I bled with her.  I don't remember if I cramped or not. I just remember waking up bleeding.  I bled for 5 days with her.  Please please please please stick little baby Roo.  Mommy wants to meet you in July.  You're supposed to be our firecracker and 10th anniversary baby.  Please don't go away.

4 weeks 4 days

So I decided that every Saturday I'm going to take a picture of the belly and measure it.  Today's measurement was 39.5 inches.  I know it's only bloat and fat but I feel like I'm popping out already.  Let me show you and you tell me what you think.

4weeks 3 days in according to the tickers

So it's officially been a week since got that faintest of lines on that wonderful pee stick. lol  On Monday I go in to see my OB/GYN for my follow up from my 21 day 7DPO progesterone draw.  I will get to tell them that I'm officially late for my period and have gotten multiple positive tests.  I've been having some morning sickness this week, but today was the worst.  Thankfully, it subsided right after I um you know... up chucked.  This is the first time I've experienced morning sickness like this.  Normally I just get nausea that has been aggravated by something I ate.  I feel like I'm starting to pop out already. I know it's just bloat and belly fat, but it's starting to get hard.  I'll probably show quickly with this one.  I should start taking pictures to show the progression.  I'll take one tomorrow, 1 week after the FRER positive.  In the mean time I did have someone make me the cutest themed picture for me to post.  You know how I love to post pics so here it is.

best picture ever so far...

firecracker baby on board

WE DID IT! Today I got a better line with both the wondfo and FRER HPTs.  I'm so thrilled right now.  We are due around July 2, 2012.  Just in time to celebrate the fourth of July and our 3rd wedding but 10 years total anniversary.  I was so nervous this morning when I took my temp cause it dropped from 98.54 to 98.18.  I was completely expected to get a bfn and ready to chalk yesterdays faint positives to evap lines. Well, without further ado I shall present you with pictures.

12DPO wondfo internet cheapies top is FMU bottom is SMU

Progression with wondfo

 Progression including the FRER

I really need to step away from the pee sticks

They're going to be the death of.  I had what I thought was a squinter this morning but when I backed it up with a FRER and a EPT digital, bfns.  So now I just continue waiting.  AF is due anywhere between Sunday - Monday, maybe Tuesday or Wednesday, but that's stretching it and I would officially be late if nothing on Monday.  My temps are still high and they normally begin to drop around now, CD25, but not dropping yet.  SO that's a good thing, I guess.  I believe I'm 11DPO but could possibly be anywhere between 9-11 DPO.  And if I'm 9 that's why AF would show "late" since I O'd up to 4 days later than normal for me.

Picture time, no point in posting the digital

unedited, saturated, invert, saturated, invert 

CD24 10DPO

And another bfn. No real symptoms like I normally get when af is about to grace me with her unwanted presence.  But I am breaking out some and that is normal pms for me.  I did notice the tiniest bit if red spotting but not enough to make me freak out.  What I'm trying to figure out is if I could have possibly O'd on CD16 instead and that would make me only 8DPO.   At least that's the hope I'm holding on to right now.  I did get af like cramps last night pretty badly, so who knows what's going on.  So much for my will power to test from Friday on. 


Well, hopefully my dreams will happen and my only challenge would be implantation due to my endo.  I'm wondering if I even want to temp next cycle or even try at all.  I'm trying not to get disillusioned but it's hard not to at times.