Low Beta

After hours in the ER I'm looking at a threatened miscarriage.  Beta levels are only at 36.5, and that's too low for 5 weeks.  I need to do a repeat beta and see if they're going up or down.  This sucks.  Looks like my firecracker lost it's spark.

So scared right now

I started bleeding about an hour ago.  It's not terribly heavy but I'm cramping, kinda like period cramps.  It started off as bright red going towards a pinkish/brownish color. Some small particles but no big clots.  I'm really scared right now.  I can't lose this baby.  This baby means so much to me right now.  I just can't lose it.  I've only known for a week.  This is so cruel.  I'm praying this is just like it was with Tiana, but I was already 8 weeks along when I bled with her.  I don't remember if I cramped or not. I just remember waking up bleeding.  I bled for 5 days with her.  Please please please please stick little baby Roo.  Mommy wants to meet you in July.  You're supposed to be our firecracker and 10th anniversary baby.  Please don't go away.

4 weeks 4 days

So I decided that every Saturday I'm going to take a picture of the belly and measure it.  Today's measurement was 39.5 inches.  I know it's only bloat and fat but I feel like I'm popping out already.  Let me show you and you tell me what you think.

4weeks 3 days in according to the tickers

So it's officially been a week since got that faintest of lines on that wonderful pee stick. lol  On Monday I go in to see my OB/GYN for my follow up from my 21 day 7DPO progesterone draw.  I will get to tell them that I'm officially late for my period and have gotten multiple positive tests.  I've been having some morning sickness this week, but today was the worst.  Thankfully, it subsided right after I um you know... up chucked.  This is the first time I've experienced morning sickness like this.  Normally I just get nausea that has been aggravated by something I ate.  I feel like I'm starting to pop out already. I know it's just bloat and belly fat, but it's starting to get hard.  I'll probably show quickly with this one.  I should start taking pictures to show the progression.  I'll take one tomorrow, 1 week after the FRER positive.  In the mean time I did have someone make me the cutest themed picture for me to post.  You know how I love to post pics so here it is.

best picture ever so far...

firecracker baby on board

WE DID IT! Today I got a better line with both the wondfo and FRER HPTs.  I'm so thrilled right now.  We are due around July 2, 2012.  Just in time to celebrate the fourth of July and our 3rd wedding but 10 years total anniversary.  I was so nervous this morning when I took my temp cause it dropped from 98.54 to 98.18.  I was completely expected to get a bfn and ready to chalk yesterdays faint positives to evap lines. Well, without further ado I shall present you with pictures.

12DPO wondfo internet cheapies top is FMU bottom is SMU

Progression with wondfo

 Progression including the FRER

I really need to step away from the pee sticks

They're going to be the death of.  I had what I thought was a squinter this morning but when I backed it up with a FRER and a EPT digital, bfns.  So now I just continue waiting.  AF is due anywhere between Sunday - Monday, maybe Tuesday or Wednesday, but that's stretching it and I would officially be late if nothing on Monday.  My temps are still high and they normally begin to drop around now, CD25, but not dropping yet.  SO that's a good thing, I guess.  I believe I'm 11DPO but could possibly be anywhere between 9-11 DPO.  And if I'm 9 that's why AF would show "late" since I O'd up to 4 days later than normal for me.

Picture time, no point in posting the digital

unedited, saturated, invert, saturated, invert 

CD24 10DPO

And another bfn. No real symptoms like I normally get when af is about to grace me with her unwanted presence.  But I am breaking out some and that is normal pms for me.  I did notice the tiniest bit if red spotting but not enough to make me freak out.  What I'm trying to figure out is if I could have possibly O'd on CD16 instead and that would make me only 8DPO.   At least that's the hope I'm holding on to right now.  I did get af like cramps last night pretty badly, so who knows what's going on.  So much for my will power to test from Friday on. 


Well, hopefully my dreams will happen and my only challenge would be implantation due to my endo.  I'm wondering if I even want to temp next cycle or even try at all.  I'm trying not to get disillusioned but it's hard not to at times.

Progesterone results are in...

and it's at 16.6! Well within the range the doctor wants to see.  WOOT WOOT.  So now I'm sure I ovulated this month and have been ovulating every month.  What I don't know if those numbers are indicative of pregnancy or not.  Here's to hoping they are. :)

why do I torture myself?

9DPO 3 days after my dip and I decided to test.  Why? Because I'm a glutton for punishment.  I have no will power and it's driving me insane.  Why couldn't I hold off till Friday?  Better yet why can't I hold off until I'm late?!  DOH!  Not in the mood for symptom watch 4.0 so I'm leaving it here.  If you're interested you know how to stalk my charts.

CD21 - 7DPO temp shot back up

YAY my temp went back up to 98.27 today.  I'm so hoping that I had an implantation dip that will truly result in a nice BFP.  Again, though only time will tell.  I need to stay strong and try not to test until later in the week.  I would like to wait till Friday.  Lets see if I have that will power.  My history has proven otherwise. LOL  


OK so between work, the doctors, homework and being a mom I'm exhausted so I'm not going to retype what I already typed about today's appointment.  Here is the cut and paste of it...


Anyways...my doctor was happy to help me conceive however way I was willing to try. He did a blood draw and I should know the results by Wednesday. He looked back in his notes, from when I had my last lap 2 years ago, and said that my tubes looked free and clear back then so he doesn't see why I should have any issues with my tubes. But if I want to get that procedure where they put dye in my tubes to be sure they're clear, I can.

When I mentioned my endo and my uterine lining he agreed that it could be a problem for me. But all in all he seemed hopeful and didn't think I would need medical intervention. Not that I want any medical intervention. I told the doctor that I'm not willing to go that route and if it happens it happens if it doesn't it doesn't.

He did looked at my chart and said my temps do indicate that I'm ovulating. So that's good. He found it funny that I was going about this in such an old fashioned way since there is so much advanced technology out there. He did mention IVF and said the he's sure that procedure would work almost instantly if I wanted to go that route.

Even though the exam hurt, stupid endo, everything looked fine. Now I just go back in two week for my follow up and results. I'm hoping to also go in and tell him I'm pg.

All and all I left the office feeling hopeful and know that I have a doc that's willing to do what I want him to do to help me achieve pregnancy.

CD20 - 6DPO Dip Baby Dip

OK so CD20 and 6DPO over here with a temp dip (97.83 from 98.29) almost or at my cover line.  The odd thing is that I had a dip just like this last month, also on CD20.  The only difference is the DPO day.  I normally don't dip like this and the last time I did, before last month and this month, was when I conceived Kev.  I can't help but wonder since we've been using OPKs and used them with Kev, that we are catching the egg, but it's might be having a hard time implanting.  If that's the case, then I know my endo is making this journey harder than it already is.  And if my endo is causing issues then my hopes for another addition will be just a dream.  I will not do any sort of medical intervention to conceive.  I already have two beautiful child and will take our lack of conception as a sign from nature that I'm done.  It's really sad to think that we could be done all because of my stupid body, but I'll learn to live with it, again.

I almost forgot to update about my DPO situation.  After looking at TCOYF and it's cover line I realized it was set too high (97.9 instead of 97.8).  After I made that adjustment, the software updated my chart and set my O date for CD14.  I could have avoided all that confusion if I just realized that a tiny bit earlier in the day.  Now I have a better feeling about asking the doctor for a CD21&7DPO blood draw.  I just hope he's willing do it for me.  I would love to know my progesterone levels and if I did indeed O or not.  I'll also ask him about the CD3 FSH test. 

cd19 3 or 5 dpo

So now I'm not sure which DPO I'm actually at.  I've had two different significant temp spikes and  3 different charting programs telling me different things.  TCOYF which is using FAM and OPK, marks me at 3DPO today making O date CD16.  Same with countdown to pregnancy.  Now, depending on which method I use for FF (advanced or FAM) I get two different O dates as well.  FAM give me an O date of CD14 making me 5DPO, and advanced method makes me 3DPO giving me an O date of CD16.  I would rather be 5DPO since that makes my LP longer and gets me closer to testing.  But if I'm only 3DPO then I would only have a 10 day LP, if AF shows when she should, next Sunday.  

However, since LPs only vary by a day or two, that would make AF due on the 26th instead.  I have had a short 10 day LP in the past.  But I know that's not optimal for implantation and sustaining a pregnancy.  Ughhh I hate this guessing game.  But maybe I am only 3DPO since I got positive OPKs on CD14 and 15.  And if I did O 12-48 hours after that last positive, or even the first, CD16 is very plausible.  The only thing with CD16 is that my CP and CM aren't really fertile. Yes, creamy is considered fertile, but ewcm or watery is best.  Combine that with the fact that my cervix was considered closed and medium feeling, it doesn't line up properly.  The only good thing with the possibility of O on CD16 is that the sperm has a better chance of meeting the egg as soon and it drops.  

Again, like always, I'm back to only time will tell.  *le sigh*

For good measure two progression pictures.   One with more light zoomed out and another more zoomed in less light.

cd18 4dpo...

And I feel so stressed and off it's not even funny.  I truly don't know how I'm going to conceive if I continue to be this stressed out.  At least my temp went up some more today.  I just wish that time would pass by quicker so that I can start testing.  I have at least another week before I even think about testing.  I'm due for my period on either the 23rd or 24th of the month, so I should have my answer within another 10 days for certain.  I just hope it's the answer I desire.

cd17 3dpo

Had another temp rise this morning, so I'm sure I ovulated 3 days ago.  Now if only my other two charts would line up with FF, I'd be good to go.  Hopefully I won't go nuts trying to over analyze everything and convince myself that we got preggo this month.  That's going to be hard to do, but I think I can do it.  I just need to keep myself and my mind occupied on other things.  You would figure between work and school my mind would already be preoccupied, but it's not.  Ugh time to find a hobby I guess.

cd16 finally got a negative opk again

Finally got a negative opk after two straight days of positives.  It looks like I surge for two days with the actual ovulation taking place on the first day of the surge.  This has been my pattern for the past two cycles now.  So I'm fairly positive that's how my body rolls.  I did get one more round in last night so hopefully we covered all our bases.  I don't want to see a penis come near me for a few days right now. lol  So now I'm awaiting one more temp rise for official confirmation and I am officially in the dreaded two week wait.  Here's to hoping we caught the egg and that I get a bfp in a couple of weeks.

cd15 and another positive OPK

Got yet another positive OPK today.  However, I also had a huge temp increase so I'm sure I ovulated over night.  If I didn't then consider me a monkey's uncle.  My only regret is that I let the chance to have sex one more time slip by me last night.  I hope it's not too late to try and get one more round in today.  I wanted to try this morning, but the kids were up and I wasn't in the mood to rush the process and be quiet at the same time.  My body is still showing fertile signs but they're slowly changing to less fertile as time goes by.  So I expect to be entering my torturous two week wait tomorrow.  I should hopefully see another temp rise with a negative OPK.  Now the fun part *rolling eyes* of over analyzing everything begins.  I do have an appointment with my gyn on Monday.  I'm hoping to be decently past ovulation so that maybe he can tell something that I can't just yet.  Anyways time for pictures.  I'm only posting one today.

cd 15

cd 14 confusion coming to an end

Alright, now I have a better understanding of my OPKs.  The ones I got over the weekend were like the ones from last month, but they weren't positive yet.  Today's is a positive for sure, as it's darker than all of them.  Now I just have to try and get in one more round or two of having some fun.  I really don't know if I can, but I gotta do it for the cause. lol  Temps went back down today and I'm hoping they go up tomorrow.  Again, only time will tell.  Oh how I hate this waiting to O then waiting to see if the bitch shows up or not.  It's freaking mental torture.  What I would give to have the days back where it didn't matter and wasn't even trying to get knocked up but did it anyway...le sigh 

Now on to today's pics.  I'm tossing in yesterdays for comparison value.

CD14

CD13

CD13 OPK confusion continues...

OK so after today's test, now I'm pretty sure I have a positive opk on my hands.  So with comparing today's and yesterdays, I'm thinking yesterdays wasn't positive at all and today's is.  My temps for today had to be adjusted from 97.68 to 97.56 because I over slept, by 35 mins, making it lower than yesterday.   I'm confident ovulation has either occurred today or is about to shortly.   Time to try and make good use of the chance. lol That shouldn't be too hard to accomplish.  After the gift Kev gave me today, he's so entitled to some good ass. HA! 

Picture time...

CD13 

progression

top CD12 11:30AM, middle 5:30PM & bottom CD13 4:30PM

and the best pic of them all...

GIFT!!!!

cd 12 and slightly confused

Well here I am at CD 12 in my cycle.  This is normally one of my fertile days.  So far, it has been.  I've been having high fertility signs since yesterday.  The only think that has me confused are my OPKs.  Around now I take two tests a day.  One in the mid to late morning and another in the late afternoon to early evening.  Today's mid morning one looked like it's either almost positive or is positive.  However the one from early evening looks negative.  I hope I didn't fully miss the surge.  I think we covered our bases though if I did O.  I had a plan of action for last night and it worked, then he had one for this morning. lol  I did wake up with wicked O pains, much stronger than he ones I've been feeling the past few days.  Only time will tell if I did in deed O or not.  In the mean time I'll post some crappy pics I took of today's OPKs.  

11:25AM

5:30PM

So you tell me...do the tops ones look positive to you or close?  Could I have surged overnight?  Hmmm or am I just flat out nuts. lol

CD 8 and I think I'm getting sick

Yuck I feel like a head cold is coming on.  Fucking great just what I need right now.  As for my journey, cd 8 with nothing much to report as of yet.  I might take an ovulation test later today but I'm not sure yet.  I think I'm going to wait it out one more day before I start peeing on multiple sticks again.   Ehh this is all I got for now.

CD 6 Nothing Big Going On

Still have a bit of a light flow going on that is going down to some spotting, so the end of the nasty cycle is drawing near.  Sometime within the next 6 days, give or take a few days, I should be ovulating.  Hopefully this cycle will be it for us and we will have a July baby.  July would be nice.  We would have the fourth, our anniversary and a baby to celebrate.  Pretty awesome if you ask me. 


I did find out today that an extended family member is 14 weeks pregnant.  I had a feeling this whole week that I was going to hear this news today.  I'm happy for them but upset at the same time.  I couldn't help but think she got knocked up right when we started trying and why couldn't that be us.  But the truth of the matter is that I don't know their ttc journey, so they could have been trying for months before they fell pregnant again.  I don't know if they have any fertility issues, but I honestly don't think they do.  All I do know is that they're older than us by a year or so, have a young child under 2 and are baking baby number 2.  I'm happy for them but sad for us.  It will be OK though.  I'll keep on moving on like I always do and hopefully will do so will a uterus full of fetus.