CD 8 and I think I'm getting sick

Yuck I feel like a head cold is coming on.  Fucking great just what I need right now.  As for my journey, cd 8 with nothing much to report as of yet.  I might take an ovulation test later today but I'm not sure yet.  I think I'm going to wait it out one more day before I start peeing on multiple sticks again.   Ehh this is all I got for now.

CD 6 Nothing Big Going On

Still have a bit of a light flow going on that is going down to some spotting, so the end of the nasty cycle is drawing near.  Sometime within the next 6 days, give or take a few days, I should be ovulating.  Hopefully this cycle will be it for us and we will have a July baby.  July would be nice.  We would have the fourth, our anniversary and a baby to celebrate.  Pretty awesome if you ask me. 


I did find out today that an extended family member is 14 weeks pregnant.  I had a feeling this whole week that I was going to hear this news today.  I'm happy for them but upset at the same time.  I couldn't help but think she got knocked up right when we started trying and why couldn't that be us.  But the truth of the matter is that I don't know their ttc journey, so they could have been trying for months before they fell pregnant again.  I don't know if they have any fertility issues, but I honestly don't think they do.  All I do know is that they're older than us by a year or so, have a young child under 2 and are baking baby number 2.  I'm happy for them but sad for us.  It will be OK though.  I'll keep on moving on like I always do and hopefully will do so will a uterus full of fetus.

Worst Cycle By Far

OK so this is by far the worst period I've had in lord knows how long, maybe even ever.  I feel so damn sick and in so much pain it's driving me mad.  Yesterday was so bad that I had to stay home from work.  I ended up sleeping the entire morning away, that's how much pain I was in.  I cannot wait for this period to finish and be gone.  I'm used to heavy painful cycles because of my endo, but not like this.  They do tire me out but for the past 6 months or more they've been fairly good to me, until this one.  This makes me wonder even more if we did in fact fertilize and egg it tried to implant and it either failed or it just didn't stick.  I really hate the wondering game, it drives me insane. 

The waiting comes to an end

The bitch showed up mid day so on to the next cycle.  June wouldn't have been a good month to have a baby anyways.

15DPO D Day

Still bfn test with today being d day as in the bitch should show up today, maybe tomorrow.  Very frustrating considering my temp started to go up again. Not a lot but it's up instead of down.  Took some pics for viewing pleasure.

14DPO BFN and The Green Eyed Monster

As the title says another stark white test.  Who am I kidding when I keep on testing.  My temps are dropping yet I whip out a test out of pure hope there will be the slightest visible line.  At this stage in the game I've gone to 99.9% sure the red wave will visit soon.  This has truly been a very emotional TWW.  Between seeing bellies and babies in the street everywhere I go, being bombarded with TV ads for either HPTS or different things baby related, and what seems to be everyone else around me getting their BFPs, I've been hit with a severe case of envy.  Don't get me wrong, if you're a good friend I'm thrilled for you.  But if you're a virtual stranger to me, I hate that you're pregnant and I'm not.  I will try my best to smile and wave, but in reality I'm thinking why you and not me and to get the fuck out of my face before I scream.


Symptoms

• cramps that are intensifying
• increased cm that has caused me to wear a liner while I await the bitch
• breast are become more sore
• nausea that can be explained away with the fact that I have sinus issues and ran out of my nasal spray.
• still bloated
• EXTREMELY emotional

13DPO More BFNs

So now I'm 13dpo with more bfns, this time with a first response early response test.  I knew I should have waited to use the expensive test, but I thought I saw something last night so I had to put my mind at ease. All I can see on the FRER is an indent of the line where the color would pool if it was positive.  Therefore, I'm 95% positive that I'm out of the running.  Still crampy like crazy, but they're getting more intense the way my normal cycle cramps do.  My moods are swinging from batshit crazy to angry to sad and ready to cry over spilled milk.  I wonder if we did manage to fertilize an egg and then it failed to implant.  I never dip during my cycles and the last time I did dip it resulted in my son.  The main differences between then and now are confirmed endometriosis, being freshly off of birth control, plus I was 7 years younger.  

Since the confirmation of my endo, I have had two laps done to remove scar tissue, the last one being in Oct. of 2009.  So the chances of my body being riddled with scar tissue are very likely.  Now I understand why the doctors told me with such a solemn face that they didn't think I would be able to conceive again and if I did it would be a hard road to travel.  That is what really stuck in the back of my mind whenever I had baby fever in the past.  This time I ignored my fear and now I'm sitting here thinking damn the docs were right.  


Without further ado, I bring on the symptoms

• moody
• cramps
• gassy
• bloated
• sore breast
• increased cm 

Just for the heck of it pics of the FRER