Worst Cycle By Far

OK so this is by far the worst period I've had in lord knows how long, maybe even ever.  I feel so damn sick and in so much pain it's driving me mad.  Yesterday was so bad that I had to stay home from work.  I ended up sleeping the entire morning away, that's how much pain I was in.  I cannot wait for this period to finish and be gone.  I'm used to heavy painful cycles because of my endo, but not like this.  They do tire me out but for the past 6 months or more they've been fairly good to me, until this one.  This makes me wonder even more if we did in fact fertilize and egg it tried to implant and it either failed or it just didn't stick.  I really hate the wondering game, it drives me insane. 

The waiting comes to an end

The bitch showed up mid day so on to the next cycle.  June wouldn't have been a good month to have a baby anyways.

15DPO D Day

Still bfn test with today being d day as in the bitch should show up today, maybe tomorrow.  Very frustrating considering my temp started to go up again. Not a lot but it's up instead of down.  Took some pics for viewing pleasure.

14DPO BFN and The Green Eyed Monster

As the title says another stark white test.  Who am I kidding when I keep on testing.  My temps are dropping yet I whip out a test out of pure hope there will be the slightest visible line.  At this stage in the game I've gone to 99.9% sure the red wave will visit soon.  This has truly been a very emotional TWW.  Between seeing bellies and babies in the street everywhere I go, being bombarded with TV ads for either HPTS or different things baby related, and what seems to be everyone else around me getting their BFPs, I've been hit with a severe case of envy.  Don't get me wrong, if you're a good friend I'm thrilled for you.  But if you're a virtual stranger to me, I hate that you're pregnant and I'm not.  I will try my best to smile and wave, but in reality I'm thinking why you and not me and to get the fuck out of my face before I scream.


Symptoms

• cramps that are intensifying
• increased cm that has caused me to wear a liner while I await the bitch
• breast are become more sore
• nausea that can be explained away with the fact that I have sinus issues and ran out of my nasal spray.
• still bloated
• EXTREMELY emotional

13DPO More BFNs

So now I'm 13dpo with more bfns, this time with a first response early response test.  I knew I should have waited to use the expensive test, but I thought I saw something last night so I had to put my mind at ease. All I can see on the FRER is an indent of the line where the color would pool if it was positive.  Therefore, I'm 95% positive that I'm out of the running.  Still crampy like crazy, but they're getting more intense the way my normal cycle cramps do.  My moods are swinging from batshit crazy to angry to sad and ready to cry over spilled milk.  I wonder if we did manage to fertilize an egg and then it failed to implant.  I never dip during my cycles and the last time I did dip it resulted in my son.  The main differences between then and now are confirmed endometriosis, being freshly off of birth control, plus I was 7 years younger.  

Since the confirmation of my endo, I have had two laps done to remove scar tissue, the last one being in Oct. of 2009.  So the chances of my body being riddled with scar tissue are very likely.  Now I understand why the doctors told me with such a solemn face that they didn't think I would be able to conceive again and if I did it would be a hard road to travel.  That is what really stuck in the back of my mind whenever I had baby fever in the past.  This time I ignored my fear and now I'm sitting here thinking damn the docs were right.  


Without further ado, I bring on the symptoms

• moody
• cramps
• gassy
• bloated
• sore breast
• increased cm 

Just for the heck of it pics of the FRER

12DPO BFN, Starting to Feel Out of the Race

Yet another blaring white BFN this morning at 12DPO.  I'm starting to feel out of the race this month.  I know it's not over till the bitch shows her face, but I feel like af is lurking around the corner ready to say ha ha bitch you thought you could lose me, not yet! My temps took a big drop to 98.18 today, so I'm sure it's going to keep dropping.  Only time will tell...


Symptoms

• cramps (normal)
• sore breast (normal)
• fatigue (this can be explained with work and school)
• emotional (don't know if this is a symptom or not but I feel fucking hormonal!)
• backache (normal)
• increased cm that is becoming very creamy
• gassy (I deal with bouts of IBS and I believe today is one of those days)

11DPO and anoter BFN

So here I am 11dpo with another BFN.  Oh well I expected as much. All I know is that I'm done with cheap dollar store tests, those give you nasty evaporated lines.  Evaps are lines that have no color or are gray in color instead of pink.  A lot of women get these thinking it's a positive test to only be disappointed when the witch rears her ugly head.  I still have until Tuesday before she's scheduled to arrive, so I'm not fully out yet.  And my temp is at the highest it's been EVER, 98.69.  I'm just wondering if there are outside factors into that temp.  I did kind flip flop in bed since 5am and my room was really hot. But hey it's my temp and I'm dealing with it.  As for symptoms I'm still cramping like AF is around the corner, this is really annoying and putting me in a foul mood.  I'll update more as the day progresses.  I truly think these are more PMS than PG right about now. 
*update* OK so my CM/CF (cervical mucus/fluid) has changed to watery, and I tend to get that about a two days before the witch shows.  So I'm going to assume this cycle was a failure and she will show her ugly face over the weekend or by Monday.


Symptom Watch 3.0

• cramps (normal before the bitch it due)
• bloated (also normal pms)
• moody (those of you who know me, know I'm a moody bitch so this is normal)
• skin break out (I only break out twice a month, during ovulation and right around af)
• breast have become a bit more sore, but again this is normal for me.  
• dizziness (after lunch)
• nausea (after lunch)

OK now I have to get some work done and stop obsessing.  Like I said above, I will be adding more "symptoms" as the day goes on.   I'll probably add a picture of the evap just for good measure.

Cheap Dollar Store Test normal and inverted.

 

Wondfo internet cheapies (you can get these from Amazon for under 5 bucks